Having fun, have we forgotten this ingredient? 50+ date jar ideas
With Valentine's day fast approaching, it has made me think about how in the day to day grind of daily life, we sometimes don’t take time to truly be present and have fun with our partners. When things are going poorly in our relationships, we tend to focus on what’s not going well, rather than the exceptions or things we are grateful for. One important ingredient of healthy and fulfilling relationships is fun, not just the absence of negative exchanges!
One activity that I love, is to make a jar of fun date ideas so you can have fun throughout the year. Whether you’re partnered or solo, this can be such a great activity for you to self-reflect and think about all the things you would like to do but not have gotten around to. I get it, life get’s busy and we tend to settle into the mundane the longer we’ve been with someone. One skill, that can help with decreasing slipping into the routines, comes from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). It’s called beginner’s mind.
The concept is that you do things from the point of someone doing something for the first time. As children, we have so many new opportunities that we do for the first time in our lives because it’s part of development. In adulthood, we can apply this same principles of being open and ready to experience something by pretending we have never done something and staying curious. For instance, even the coffee or tea you have every morning or shopping for groceries, you can apply beginner’s mind to. Really pay attention to the taste, texture, and visual cues: is it as strong as usual? what does it smell like? what does the cup feel like in your hands - warm, hot, textured, smooth? What is the story behind who made the cup or the cup itself? No cup of tea or coffee is going to be the exact same as the one prior - can you find the uniqueness in each moment? You can apply the same principles when thinking of and engaging in the date jar activities!
Although there is some work upfront to create the date jar, I love this activity for the fact that it brings spontaneity and decreases decision making down the road. The dates don’t have to be expensive or time consuming (but can be if you want them to be!) to create moments of joy and connection. If activities are not up your alley, an alternative (that is not outlined here), is to make a jar with open-ended questions and pull one out whenever you feel like it. More on open-ended question in another post!
Here, I’ve compiled a list of 52 activities (52 weeks in a year… wink, wink!) and divided them into solo or partnered dates that can inspire your own list of things to do for fun.
What you need to make your date jar:
Yourself and/or your partner (or include your whole family!)
A jar
Paper, phone or computer for listing brainstorming of ideas
Popsicle sticks or cut up paper strips
Pens, markers, scissors
Your imagination
Access to the internet for searching of places around you
How to put together your date jar:
Set a budget for how much you are willing to spend on activities
Brainstorm together or separately what you would like to do
Compare your lists if you’re doing it separately with a partner
Gather your supplies and create your jar
Once you’re done, pull one stick out to determine what you are doing for date night! You can determine the frequency of your date nights that feels right for you.
If you’re looking to spend this weekend making a date jar, below is a list of ideas to possibly include in your jars. You can make your dates as detailed or vague as you like to keep more options on the table. For instance, you can write “make homemade lasagna” or you can simply write “cook together”.
Partnered date ideas:
Cook a meal for each other
Book a spa date
Staycation or weekend getaway
Read a book together/ join a book club
Give each other a massage
Visit a local animal shelter
Go sledding or tobogganing
Colour, paint, or draw together
Play a board game
Build something (lego or otherwise)
Dance to music or take lessons
Try the art of paper folding (origami)
Taste test different teas, coffees, chocolates
Make friendship bracelets together
Recreate your first date
Go to the movies or make popcorn & stay in
Set up a tent at home and camp in
Make smores or another dessert
Go skating, skiing, snowboarding
Try out a science experiment
Spend time talking about your dreams
Build a snowman (or animal)
Play with your pet(s)
Go go-karting
Take a trip to a place in your neighbourhood you have never been
Go out to eat at a restaurant you’ve never been to before
Solo date ideas:
Go for a walk or drive
Play tourist in your own town or city
Journal
Create a vision board or scrapbook
Get familiar with your camera
Go bird watching
Take a cooking, art, or dance class
Do a puzzle, wordsearch or sudoku
Take yourself out to dinner or the spa
DIY spa day at home
Cozy up and read a book (or five)
Get dressed up (and go out after?)
Go rock climbing
Visit the zoo or aquarium
Try a new fitness class
Go to your local library or bookstore
Volunteer at an organization or an event
Watch the sunrise or sunset
Redecorate a room (or the whole place)
Try gardening
Go to a farmer’s market
Have a picnic
Take or paint a self portrait
Visit a brewery or do a wine tasting
Sign up for an online class and learn something new
Find a new flavour of ice-cream
Long after making the date jar, you can utilize the jar of activities to spontaneously plan your date nights! This might also remind you how much fun you had making it and inspire you to do fun things together more often. Solo dates can also be helpful in self-soothing and getting to know yourself and maintain your individuality. Besides weekly or monthly dates, it can also be helpful to set aside a time every week to check-in with each other about how you’re feeling in your relationship and individually. This can help to prevent big issues from being pushed under the rug, increase vulnerability and honesty with your partner, and allow you to work through life’s ups and downs together rather than shouldering the stress of the world on your own.
Interested in working with an emotionally focused couples therapist?
If you’re struggling to find joy in your relationship, talking to a therapist could help. Do you want to dig beyond the surface of just learning skills to increase connection in your relationship? Do you want to learn how your childhood and past experiences have shaped how you are showing up in your relationships and how to change the cycles you’ve been feeling stuck in? Are you looking to increase your awareness of your emotions and patterns that seem to show up time and time again? If you are located in Ontario, Canada and are looking to work with an online couple’s therapist who is knowledgeable about the impact of anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles and how they shape relational patterns, you can read more about myself and my approach here. You can start by scheduling a free 20-minute consultation to see if we are a good match, and we can go from there. I look forward to working with you!